Saturday brings another PH fact for the November PH Awareness month. I sense a downer coming from these facts to the reader...not my intent. I do want to say I never even knew our hearts put out different types of pressure. I always thought high pressure in the heart was from clogged arteries. When I saw the cardiologist in April and he said he wanted to find out if the high pressure was coming from the right or left part of my heart I laughed to myself thinking "What the heck is he talking about?" When he did the Echo and found the high pressures were coming from the right side of my heart he explained the difference to me. That was when I first learned about Pulmonary Hypertension. My diagnosis then was Moderate to Severe PH and I began having test after test to determine the cause of PH. I found that my oxygen levels fall to 88%, which is one point above the need to be put on oxygen. I had a Right Heart Cath in July which, though my cardiologist believes was measured wrong, showed I didn't have PH. The confusing thing was that the one pressure that should have gone up actually went down during the test. So, I had more tests. One more Echo test with a Bubble Study test brought my cardiologist in the room. He sat down and showed me the leak in my tricuspid valve and showed me the high pressure coming from it, then explained again how he believed the Right Heart Cath measurements were inaccurate. A leak in the tricuspid valve is caused by PH, not the other way around. I was thinking any leaky valve is a heart issue and fixing a valve would fix a problem. Not true. So, right now I have a returned diagnosis of PH, but it's actually thought that I have CTEPH (Chroninc Thrombembolic Pulmonary Hypertension). I see another Pulmonist this week and will probably begin another round of tests. I'm just praying for some concrete answers at this point. Through the PH Association, I've learned soooo much and have met some great people. So whether this turns out, in fact, to be PH or not, I feel compelled to pass the word about PH. Who knows, maybe someone reading my blog has struggled physically. Maybe they have this and don't know it. Maybe by reading these facts, they will be diagnosed and get some relief from the symptoms...making their life more doable. With that, here's the next PH fact:

"Wonder what it feels like to have pulmonary hypertension? Wrap an Ace bandage tightly around your chest. Breathe through a straw. Do it quickly for 5 minutes to see how fast your heart is pounding. That's what it feels like to have PH while doing the most mundane things, like... making a bed, going up a flight of stairs or an incline, carrying a laundry basket, etc, etc, etc".....(Thanks Colleen)

WHAT'S GOING ON FOR YOU THIS WEEKEND????  Gonna be a relaxing one here. If you're looking for some good deals, JC Penny's has them this weekend. Yesterday I picked up two down vests that went for $80  a piece. They were on sale for $29. An advertisement said everything in the store is on sale this weekend, so I could have gotten them even cheaper maybe. I knew my size would be gone so I snagged them. After my "big find" I chatted with one of my daughters friends. She had a baby seven months ago and I rarely see her these days. Once I rounded the corner of her store I noticed my future son in law coming from his store. So we had lunch together. What a joy!! He's such a great guy and it was so nice to sit down and talk with him. Not like we don't talk when him and my daughter come here or we go there, but I've never sat down just with him for any length of time (except when she was in the hospital, but they were just beginning dating then). I have great respect for him. In the short time he's been dating my daughter, he's gone from an associate at Kay Jewelers to managing his own store.  We are very blessed to know our youngin will be marrying him. He's stuck by her side through a lot of things. They are such a nice couple.

Well, your PH fact for the day today is: Ok, prior posted question was removed.

There is no cure for pulmonary hypertension. However, since 1995, there are now 8 FDA approved medicines and treatments meant to help the symptoms and possibly help thwart the progression of PH. Some people are one one med, some people are on 3 meds. Each med costs a few thousand dollars a month, at the very least. That's right, A MONTH! That doesn’t include the costs of ongoing specialist doctor care, medical tests, or other costs this disease creates.

Somehow this morning I have to find the strength to take Mr. Hyper/Neurotic dog and Fatcat Charlie to the vet at the same time. Used to be I could manage three animals. But these days, I just don't have "it" anymore. Should be interesting. Charlie runs to the door every time I need to go out so I know he will cooperate fully. Frodo is like part of my body and won't put up a fight either. It's MY body that won't be able to function the two of them. Oh well. I'm sure someone will come out to the car to help if I go in and ask for it when I get there. Charlie's not going to be happy when he sees how much he weighs. We might need a kitty treadmill.

It has been a very slow week so far. Monday's walk caused a two day recovery. So far this morning I feel the same twinge of lung pain. Looks to be another slow moving day. After the vet, I'll only have to run to Barnes and Noble for a book my daughter and I ordered and then I can come back home and rest some more. Tonight is the final World Series game. I need to be rested for it.

Well, it's still November so here's the PH fact for the day:

For those who suffer from PH, the fatigue and tiredness can be best explained to those without PH this way:

"It is not just Ordinary Garden Variety Tired. It is a Tired that makes you feel like you might not survive. AND it often is not relieved by laying down. It can be a very scary feeling."

"It's a malignant fatigue"

And there you have it. The sun is bright in the Eastern sky this morning. Sadly, it's 37 degrees which will make any sunshine won't heat it up quite like I'd like. I noticed how naked everything looks outside while taking Frodo potty this morning. That indicates one thing. Snow isn't too far off.

POST VET VISIT:

Oh my!!! Well, let's just say I'll never go solo on a multi pet vet visit again. Thank God for the save of the handicap tag and parking place for me. But even that..well! LOL. I went in and asked if someone could give me a hand with the dog and cat. I should have clarified that we weren't having any emergency cuz they were ready to get a stretcher. "Noo no no...the pets are fine and healthy. They just needs vaccines...it's me who needs the help." LOL. A nice young man comes out and I grab the monster dog, he grabs the cat in the carrier. In we go, Frodo wrapping my legs with the two feet of leash I gave him, screaming at the poor dog in his way. Rolling my eyes, I sit down and Charlie (my fat cat) looks at me and starts meowing. I get Frodo to sit next to me on the bench and settle him just in time for them to come get us. Thank God the guy helped me back there too. First order of business is weigh in. Uh huh. Charlie first! Uh oh. Frodo next. Scale says pretty much the same...cat and dog are almost the same weight. BUT. Charlie's in the carrier so not fair. Get into the little room and Frodo is first. Nails get clipped, which he shows his distaste for by snapping at the tech. That gets him a muzzle and in my mind I'm thinking "Can I take that home with me?" LOL. Ok, not nice, I know. And to be honest, I'd much rather have some narcotics for him instead. As we finish up the nail clipping, I notice a little lump on Frodo's neck. Pulling the fur back I see a tick!!! EWWW. Those things just gross me out. He must have picked it up on that walk or one of our walks. Now I'm sick thinking of "I bet there's some in the house!! How will I find those huh?" Tech finishes and vet walks in to give the Kennel Cough shot. She gets a tick remover and like a flash, removes it. Wow..I gotta get me one of those little tick removers. Easy as a snap. Still grossed out about ticks though. She then cleans out his ...well, his anal glands. Ok, tick grossness over with, I'm grossed out by the odor of anal gland goo. I know, it's disgusting to even mention. But please would SOMEONE explain why God created that? Was he kidding? I know He did stuff like that just so he could have a good laugh at humans gagging once in a while. Frodo's done and it's Charlies turn. Such a good kitty. Took his rabies shot like an old trooper. Vet tells me to cut his food consumption and I tell her my house is at risk if I do. She laughs but I don't think it's funny. The tech comes to help me get Charlie back in the car. It was physically enough just handling Frodo, I couldn't imagine how I'd have made it if that tech didn't help me out. Anyway! We leave and I head over to the bookstore. I figure, Charlie always throws himself down in front of the door when I have to leave the house, let's just give him a nice long outting. He seemed pretty content all along the way there. He and Frodo took a little nap while I was in the store and soon enough we start for home. Charlie starts "talking" again and I tell him what a good kitty he was...blah blah blah. Well, by time we got home, kittyboy just couldn't hold it anymore. I had a feeling....and sure enough, it was probably kitty potty time back when we left the vet's office. Oh well. Not to worry. I had a nice big towel in the carrier which caught the poo and pee. We are all home now, safe and sound. Frodo is once again attached to my leg, Charlie is sleeping soundly in the chair, and Jack the peewee cat is curled up on my bed in the fluffy blanket. He's happy we're all back home. I'm just glad I survived. But never again. One at a time from now on.

Have a great Wednesday everyone!

I did take that snail walk today. My pupster and camera came along too. Camera to capture what my eyes saw and pupster to pull me back home when I got to winded (which happened much sooner than I expected). Along the walk I saw:

Christmas trees?? LOL.

Mostly blue skies making these sleeping trees stand out

I don't know what these are but they stood out also and looked so pretty I couldn't pass them by without a shot or two. Anyone know what they are?

Contrast the beauty of those pictures with the ugliness of this one...which TOTALLY took me by surprise. Yes, I got close. Who wouldn't? Was it a simple toss out of freshly killed deer? Not sure. I think the ribs are too big to be human remains..but I have to admit, I was tempted to call 911.

Frodo wasn't impressed at all. But I touched the bag, trying to pull it back to expose the flesh more. The contents were warm through the bag. Not sure if it was due to sun shining on it, or if it was THAT freshly killed that it was still warm. Too many high crime shows I think. But the funny thing was that I saw another neighbor and his dogs stop and take a good long look too. Ok, back to the eye pleasing stuff. The recent rain caused a tiny trickle in the creek that sounded delightful. It's so peaceful in my neighborhood. I love it.

                                                                                             So...

...a little closer and then...

...a wave hello.

Funny how you can walk by things for years and never see what's really there. Obviously, I've passed by this tree for many years, blind to the very cool seat it provides if you care to climb up and sit there. Frodo, my pupster, wasn't impressed with anything other than scents.

He's such a good dog. He had a blast marking his territory along the whole walk. And yes, we carry poo poo bags ... which we had to used this walk. I was a good doggie owner and carried it the whole snail walk, throwing it out when I returned back home. It was....

...a grand day for a snail walk, complete with a little fly over. It's cloudy now and I've been trying to recover from my outting. Hope your Monday has been a good one so far. Will the Yankees win again? Such a close game last night,,,I feel I'd miss out on something great if I don't watch the next game.

Quite by randomness I decided I needed to get out of the house today. I’m tired of this illness limiting me and I needed a bit of fun, even if that fun had to be enjoyed solo. My friends all work full time jobs through the week and that leaves me home alone to carry the weight of the housewife traditions alone. So today I was determined that I would enjoy something different limitations or not. I drove, alone, to the theater to see the Michael Jackson movie. I knew I’d like it just because I’m a freak for quality and creativity in music and dance. I wanted to see Michael Jackson in a way that I knew the liberal media hadn’t shown before his death. And I was so glad I went to see it. In fact I liked it so much I wanted to tell you my thoughts about what I saw and how it stirred my thoughts.

 “This Is It”!! Now, I have to say, I don’t normally run out without much thought and see a movie by myself ~ alone ~ without anyone else!! LOL. And it’s not that the past thirty years I’ve spent screaming Michael Jackson’s name with every CD he’s made as if I’d run to the store to buy it. Between 1978 and 2005, I hadn’t purchased a single secular CD let alone listen to any secular music at all. Some of the things I’m going to share with you, I’ve never told anyone else and, I’d appreciate this stuff not getting around ok? So don't tell anyone else.

When I was a very young girl, Michael Jackson was a very young boy. As a matter of fact, he was born four months before me. I remember watching him as a little girl and loving every minute of it. It wasn’t just Michael Jackson that stirred me inside. There were others. Elvis Presley, Lucille Ball (ok, she couldn't’t sing or dance per say but she had the same gift) they had it. You know? It wasn’t what they did, it was who they were. There are some who God has given this special passion/ability/gift to. And then there are ~ the rest. Do you know what I mean?

Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley, Lucille Ball, they all had something that very very few had. Maybe others have it but don’t utilize it to the fullest extent for whatever reason. Through the years of growing up I noticed that “difference” and I as much as I wanted it too, I didn’t know if I had it. I could sure FEEL it deep inside. I was afraid to try displaying it because if I didn’t have it, then my dream would die. Fear keeps us from doing all sorts of things doesn’t it? Now that I’m fifty, I could care less what others think. If I wanna sing I’ll sing. Having medical throat problems, I have a good reason for not being able to sing now. If I wanna dance, then by golly, I’m dancing whether anyone likes it or not. And maybe that’s what it was that “the greats” in performance had ya know? No fear. Or maybe it's the passion taking over that fear.

Something inside of me always wanted to perform. A singer, a dancer, lay deep deep inside my being. But I was so extremely “shy” (?), timid maybe (?), that the deep desire/passion never really came out. I would listen to songs and quickly memorize the lyrics, then each instrument piece until I knew it in my heart. Melodies would pop into my head and I would pick either the lead, back up, or one of the instruments and do my very best to vocally imitate it’s sound. Elementary school was my first experience with the stage. I sang and played the xylophone in a recital and   L  O  V  E  D   it. I loved practicing. I loved being in the spotlight but you wouldn’t have ever known that unless I told you. I loved the applause when I finished my tunes. Then tap dance lessons came when I was preteen. Again I loved it. I could do just about anything in front of people and do it with greater ease if I couldn’t see them. Everything accept sing. Fear! What if they laughed? What if I’m off key? What if I can’t? So, I rarely ever did. But I always wanted to bellow out without restraint when I was young.

Sadly, when I became a Christian I threw away my dream as well as all secular music. Hence, I lost touch with the works of what I consider to be the truly gifted people in this world. The only thing I ever saw of Michael Jackson was what was shown in video clips or news broadcasts of him. And, sad to say, I made my judgement on him by what I saw on TV.

The movie, “This Is It” will only be out for two weeks they say. And I really encourage you to see it no matter what you think of the man it’s about. If you enjoy perfection in music and dance then don’t miss it. It’s not at all what you think it would be. The movie itself has so much to do with the professional person Michael Jackson was, because his gift/passion/talent from God was what he did. Aside from the media frenzy of what he did or didn’t do in his personal life, aside from his music, he had something that this movie brings out so very well. I wish I had the passion, the drive for perfection for abilities God’s given me that that man had. I’m fifty now and can’t even figure out what gifts I might have squelched all these years!!

Watching “This Is It”, for me, confirmed what I always believed about Michael Jackson. I put him, talent wise, exceeding Elvis Presley. The wealth of creativity and expertise that Michael had blows my mind. The depth that he felt when he performed is really lost in today’s artists. It’s lost in people in general for that matter. He had this uncanny passionate ability to feel and then present what he felt to the observer when they listened and watched him. He stirred the observer to actually feel what he felt. It made you want to get up and dance. The perfection he had when creating music has somehow been lost in today's world. I’m sorry I was a harsh judge of the guy’s character during the years I was bringing up my own daughters. My eyes only saw the bad, when instead, I could have shown my girls the talent God gave him.

For all the nasty things said in the media over the years about Michael Jackson, I watched this “movie” and considered how many times I heard him saying “God Bless You” to those he talked to. I saw a genuine, caring, eccentric, perfectionist, confident yet gentle, passionate, man who had talent beyond anyone I’ve seen before. I saw a young man who, even when he needed to correct others, didn’t lord over them or speak in a way to belittle the other person. I saw a man who was very unlike the person the media twisted into some sort of freak. As I watched him work with those around him, I understood his heart, his passion, his drive, his life and his love for what he did. So much so that, if this movie comes to DVD, I’ll probably purchase it and blast it on surround sound!!

Sometimes our lives become much like tangled messes. Whether from our own choices, or those others make that affect us, we all find ourselves "in a bind". Those tangled messes can grow so big that it covers the door to our heart's. As time goes on, it can be awful hard to break the tangled messes and uncover that soft heart we started out with. While moseying down the country road with the dog yesterday I kept noticing tangled messes. Thought you'd enjoy them too.

Not only does the door to our heart become covered over with this hardened mess, our whole being eventually gets covered too; sometimes to the point where you hardly recognize the beauty of what's behind the mess.

You end up feeling alone in your pain. No one can ever understand. And maybe they can't...because they've never walked the road you have.

Soon your soul feels like it's dried up and you are starving for healing.

But then God, in His gentle, loving, patient way breaks through just enough for you to see....

Confirming once again that He's been there holding you up with His strong arm...

and suddenly, it's clearer than you ever saw before...

...the intense beauty of tangled messes and the new world of truth they bring to your heart. Suddenly you can see so clearly the intensity of how ugliness can be quite pretty. And then the treasure of meaningful tiny details seem to stand out more than the obvious "in your face" bigger things.

Like an old barn, being stripped for rebuilding, God has done much the same with your old tattered, beaten up heart. He's stripped you down to the studs so that He can build you up stronger...better...more secure.

You turn and see the road ahead is more clear than ever before. In your heart, you know things will be ok. Even if it's not how you'd wish things would turn out, you start walking again.

And when you arrive back to the uncluttered door of your warm home, you find...

The neighbor's cat has earned his next dinner.

HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYONE!!! REMEMBER....KEEP THE DOOR OF YOUR HEART FROM CLUTTERED MESSES.