Sunday, 13 December 2009

  • I think it was on Thursday (?) that we got a good snowfall. Nothing grand, just about six inches or so. I had gone to bed on Wednesday (?) night about eleven o'clock just as the snow had begun falling. By time I woke up in the morning there was a good amount already on the ground, which made for a snow day. The temptation to go out and shovel was there but I know better right now. Around noonish, the dog started barking at something out our front window. This isn't abnormal but I thought I'd go check it out anyway. Sure enough, someone was in our driveway. It was our neighbor. He was shoveling the snow. This also isn't abnormal. He has always shoveled people's driveways for them. We have done the same through the years. Our girls used to shovel the older neighbors driveways when they were growing up. My husband has gone and plowed neighbors driveways when he can. Some of our neighbors are alone, some really shouldn't have to worry about it because they are either widowed women or live alone. But this day in particular, my neighbor had shoveled not only our driveway, but five others. I've written him a note of thanks letting him know how much his kindness is appreciated since I am very limited these days on that type of physical activity. I'm very thankful to live in this neighborhood where people look after each other and help when they can.

    Tomorrow begins a new week. I hope yours is a good one. I hope you find time to sit back and relax and enjoy the season and all it can bring. Some are going through rough times for whatever reasons...some are missing people...even still, there is always something to be cheery about. I hope you find it. God bless you in tangible ways. If you catch what He does, feel free to leave a comment about it here.

Monday, 16 November 2009

  • i miss you3 I worry about you. I wonder if you are being harmed. I wonder if you are being contolled. I wonder if you are truly happy; with your jobs, with your chocies, with your life. I wonder if you ever think of us. I wonder if you ever miss us. I wonder if  you remember any of the good things, the happy times. I wonder if you ever want to call. I wonder if you ever think about coming to see us. I wonder if you ever cry and need a hug. I wonder if you laugh at us for missing you, loving you, still wanting you to come home. I wonder if we are the best joke in the house where you now reside. I wonder if you show any concern for us, if they make you change your mind. I wonder if your legs still hurt like they used to. I wonder if you are healthy and if you are taking good care of yourself. I wonder if you have a boyfriend, what he is like. I wonder if he would treat you with respect and gentleness and make you feel like you were the only girl in the world. I wonder if you have friends and if they are loyal to you. I wonder who you are now, the young woman that you have become. I wonder if you think about us and consider who we have become. I wonder if you really know how much you are loved and cared about. I miss you.

Thursday, 12 November 2009

  • November 12th ~ Happy 22nd birthday Sarah.

     

    I love you.

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    I can still see

    Her eyes of sparkling sapphire blue

    I can still hear

    Her voice lingering in my ears

    My mind recalls

    Like a video on replay

    Cherished memories

    As the years pass by

    We both grow older

    Though now seperately

    And I busy myself

    To distract from the void

    Where she once abided

    While she remains distanced

    I'll love her just as much

    As the day she was born

     

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    "A part of me died when I let you go that night. I loved you more than you'll ever know. I’m letting you go on your way, and embracing my new normal."

     

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  • NOVEMBER

    Should be the best month of my life aside from September and March. Yet, this month has become the most challenging month out of the year. My mind floats, tossing back and forth over what is best to do with the 12th. I know what I want to do..but it's probably not what is wanted for me to do. A mother just can't let her baby's special day go without any acknowledgement even if they are estranged. I know where I stand in her heart. But it's not the same place she stands in mine. Is it wrong to still be her mother when I've been "asked" not to be? Does she feel I'm trying to push my way, overstep her request, when I acknowlege her birthday and holidays? Yet, I can't ignore her day; because it's "our" day. It always will be, at least in my heart. I have the gifts and even a card. I don't have a peace sending things anymore. I also don't have a peace about letting the day go by without any acknowlegement though. Maybe it's best to do nothing? Maybe doing nothing will be the worst thing to do ...confirming something to her that I would never want to confirm. Maybe it would make things between us worse. More polite rejection? Would it crack open the door? My love is unconditional. I just want to love her. But how do you love someone who says they don't want you to anymore? I'll always be her mother, she'll always be my daughter. Maybe I'll just start a treasure box for her. Put all the gifts and cards I collected through the year (and future years) and keep them in there till she decides I'm worth being part of her life. I'm just conflicted in my heart about that day.

     

Monday, 02 November 2009

  • I did take that snail walk today. My pupster and camera came along too. Camera to capture what my eyes saw and pupster to pull me back home when I got to winded (which happened much sooner than I expected). Along the walk I saw. 

    IMG_1371 I don't know what these are but they stood out also and looked so pretty I couldn't pass them by without a shot or two. Anyone know what they are?

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     It's so peaceful in my neighborhood. I love it.

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                                                                                                 So...

    IMG_1379 

     IMG_1380 Funny how you can walk by things for years and never see what's really there. Obviously, I've passed by this tree for many years, blind to the very cool seat it provides if you care to climb up and sit there. Frodo, my pupster, wasn't impressed with anything other than scents.

    IMG_1382

    IMG_1383 He's such a good dog. He had a blast marking his territory along the whole walk. And yes, we carry poo poo bags ... which we had to used this walk. I was a good doggie owner and carried it the whole snail walk, throwing it out when I returned back home. It's cloudy now and I've been trying to recover from my outting. Hope your Monday has been a good one so far. Will the Yankees win again? Such a close game last night,,,I feel I'd miss out on something great if I don't watch the next game.

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

  • Tangled Messes

    Sometimes our lives become much like tangled messes. Whether from our own choices, or those others make that affect us, we all find ourselves "in a bind". Those tangled messes can grow so big that it covers the door to our heart's. As time goes on, it can be awful hard to break the tangled messes and uncover that soft heart we started out with. While moseying down the country road with the dog yesterday I kept noticing tangled messes. Thought you'd enjoy them too.

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    Not only does the door to our heart become covered over with this hardened mess, our whole being eventually gets covered too; sometimes to the point where you hardly recognize the beauty of what's behind the mess.

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    You end up feeling alone in your pain. No one can ever understand. And maybe they can't...because they've never walked the road you have.

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    Soon your soul feels like it's dried up and you are starving for healing.

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    But then God, in His gentle, loving, patient way breaks through just enough for you to see....

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    Confirming once again that He's been there holding you up with His strong arm...

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    and suddenly, it's clearer than you ever saw before...

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    ...the intense beauty of tangled messes and the new world of truth they bring to your heart. Suddenly you can see so clearly the intensity of how ugliness can be quite pretty. And then the treasure of meaningful tiny details seem to stand out more than the obvious "in your face" bigger things.

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    Like an old barn, being stripped for rebuilding, God has done much the same with your old tattered, beaten up heart. He's stripped you down to the studs so that He can build you up stronger...better...more secure.

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    You turn and see the road ahead is more clear than ever before. In your heart, you know things will be ok. Even if it's not how you'd wish things would turn out, you start walking again.

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    And when you arrive back to the uncluttered door of your warm home, you find...

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    The neighbor's cat has earned his next dinner.

    HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYONE!!! REMEMBER....KEEP THE DOOR OF YOUR HEART FROM CLUTTERED MESSES.

     

     

     

Monday, 12 October 2009

Monday, 14 September 2009

Friday, 26 June 2009

Friday, 12 June 2009

Monday, 06 April 2009

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